Category Archives: Loss, anger, and pain

When a Pumpkin isn’t Just a Pumpkin

 

 

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I’ve never seen a pumpkin like this one. Nestled in a wooden crate with a pumpkins of all shapes, sizes, and colors, sat this guy, covered in roots, completely encased in a sarcophagus of its own making. 

I can understand this pumpkin on some strange and deep level, hiding, protecting itself.  This pumpkin can’t be carved like other Halloween pumpkins. It will never have a snarky grin or snaggly teeth; it won’t sit proudly with a candle shining in its belly, lighting the way for non-existent trick-or-treaters. This pumpkin is more than just a pumpkin, an orange symbol of the season. This pumpkin is a work of art, a masterpiece of Mother Nature’s design, as are we all. 

This pumpkin is different. Has it traveled a long way from farm to table? Has it had to overcome the prejudices of pumpkin selection? Has it bucked the norms to survive? I will never know how this pumpkin came to be or why but I do know that its difference, its novelty is important; it is special. It is gorgeous in its defiance in the face of pumpkin normalcy. This pumpkin is perfect and for me, it isn’t just a pumpkin but the beginning of acceptance of life as is. With all the divisiveness in our country, through all of the shooting madness and hateful rhetoric, life gives us little moments of surprise and hope. 

This is not the norm, but all is well regardless.

Find beauty in difference.

Find joy in other.

Find love and hope in unexpected places–even in a pumpkin patch. 

Change of Venue

Life moves fast! I didn’t really understand how fast until change struck like a thunderbolt from the sky and I found myself on the road–and homeless. Oh, I had places to go and people with whom I could stay, but it’s a ghastly feeling when reality hits and you realize that everything you own is in the back of the UHaul truck barreling down the highway in front of you and a tie that has kept you bound and whole is severed for good. Or for ill, as the case may be. It is possible to go from secure to floundering in less time than it takes to catch your breath. It’s one of those moments when “just breathe” is out of the question because there’s no more oxygen left in the room, or in your body; when anger and pain are the fuel that ignites motion and breath is simply gone.

I’ve been looking for the silver lining to that dark cloud of disappointment. There isn’t one, or at least not one that I can see. The heaviness of loss is slowly leaving my body but the buoyancy of lightness and happiness is still hovering. I can feel it out there, waiting for me to lighten up. And I will. For now, I am content to explore the limits of yet another venue, to change what I can change, to carve out another comfy cave from which to think and write and ponder the meaning of life. It’ll come. I just have to remember how to breathe.

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