Thanks to alifesimplified for this image and inspiration.
Tis the season for watching leaves turn red and gold, to watch them fall, to rake them up, and let them go.
It’s time to let go of all things that are no longer useful or fully present in our lives, to shake things up and out, to open the windows and sweep clean all the dust and cobwebs that have gathered in the nooks and crannies of our lives.
Pastels are out the window as green turns to brown and gray and shades of black. A feeling of deep and dark descends as opposed to light and airy. That is not to say that we should not be looking for light or stepping away from it but the light I seek is doused with gold and dazzled in a shimmer of sparkly red.
Fall is my favorite time of year. Instead of a good spring cleaning, I prefer an autumn sweep and a shedding of all the trappings of summer. Days are cool, nights are frosty and a warm wool sweater or a fuzzy blanket is a girl’s best friend.
Autumn is a time of letting go so here I stand with empty hands and open arms.
Life moves fast! I didn’t really understand how fast until change struck like a thunderbolt from the sky and I found myself on the road–and homeless. Oh, I had places to go and people with whom I could stay, but it’s a ghastly feeling when reality hits and you realize that everything you own is in the back of the UHaul truck barreling down the highway in front of you and a tie that has kept you bound and whole is severed for good. Or for ill, as the case may be. It is possible to go from secure to floundering in less time than it takes to catch your breath. It’s one of those moments when “just breathe” is out of the question because there’s no more oxygen left in the room, or in your body; when anger and pain are the fuel that ignites motion and breath is simply gone.
I’ve been looking for the silver lining to that dark cloud of disappointment. There isn’t one, or at least not one that I can see. The heaviness of loss is slowly leaving my body but the buoyancy of lightness and happiness is still hovering. I can feel it out there, waiting for me to lighten up. And I will. For now, I am content to explore the limits of yet another venue, to change what I can change, to carve out another comfy cave from which to think and write and ponder the meaning of life. It’ll come. I just have to remember how to breathe.